How many members of your horoscope sign does it take to change a light bulb?

ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?

TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done – they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done!

CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process.

LEO: Leos don’t change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they’re out.

VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth.

LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

CAPRICORN: I don’t waste my time with these childish jokes.

AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so….

PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?